invisible

so i knew i would write this blog from the moment i stepped foot back on american soil after returning from uganda. i think i've waited this long because i've been afraid that i wouldnt be able to properly explain this. i'm still afraid that will be the case. and i think there may be people that read this that will be offended by parts of it. if that is you, i do apologize - not for these words, but that you would have that reaction because this isnt about that.

in december 2003, i graduated from the University of Dayton and moved to Nashville, Tennessee. it was quite the random move, as the only person i 'knew' there was buried 6 feet underground at The Hermatige. and while i dont remember particularly why i never considered staying in ohio, i wasnt afraid to move to nashville unknown. i was eager for the challenges it brought and anxious for a new beginning. sometimes hindsight isnt 20/20, but that doesnt change that the past is indeed the past. questioning 'how life might have been different if' doesnt really do any good.

i lived in nashville from january 2004 through april 2007 (minus the summer of 2004), so just over 3 years. those 3 years felt like 30. challenging doesnt even begin to describe it. i met a few amazing people while i lived there, people who are still shining stars in my mind. but i spent most of my time in nashville feeling like i didnt belong. for a long time, i thought it was just because this was 'life after college' - that i couldve moved anywhere and done anything and would have still felt lost and invisible so often. during my 3 semesters of school in nashville, i was rarely with the same people - i describe it as spending each semester with a different class (freshman my first semester, sophomores/juniors my second semester, and seniors the third). it wasnt anything like school in ohio. at my job, my responsibilities required very little interaction with people [relatively speaking]...maybe i just didnt like 'work' and wanted life to be lived with other people. i didnt find that at work, and even in 3 years, i didnt really find it outside of work. i recall feeling like the odd duck regularly. i remember one time someone called to invite me out w/ 'the group' that night. when i called to get the details, i heard someone in the background asking who was on the phone and the person answered 'melissa rau' and the person in the background going 'who?'... these were people i'd hung around with on a more regular basis than anyone else at the time... i really thought they'd at least recognize my name. those little things ate at me, discouraged me, and confused me. i'd never been 'miss popular' but in 20 years, this world my path came across just left me dumbfounded. even my parents couldnt understand how i could try so hard and not have a good group of friends.

by the fall of 2006, i was desperate to leave nashville. i wanted to leave without looking back. in april 2007, that's basically what i did. i'd told the people at my new job they could send me anywhere (except fargo) and they rerouted my life to little rock arkansas. i cried [of course] on my last day with EMI... i generally cry when i move on in life (even if, like this case, i was desperate to go) because closing the door announces to my brain and heart that any opportunity from that way is gone, missed, passed up, etc. i feel like moving on equates with giving up and its hard for me to deal with that. but after crying out, i was still ready to leave nashville. i was desperate for life.

little rock turned out to be a blessing i couldnt have asked for. i remember when the fdic first asked if i would interview for a position in little rock... i said yes, hung up the phone, went into my coworker's office and said 'i'm interviewing for little rock... i'm really afraid its going to work out and i'm going to move there and love it and have to tell people i'm from arkansas!'... it still makes me laugh, because of course that's how it is. and better is that i SO prefer to be 'a bank examiner from arkansas' [which most people equate with... well, nothing fancy to put it mildly!] than to 'work for a record label in nashville' [which wowed most people not from nashville]. but even here, life still has its challenges, i still am about as big a fan of work as i was in nashville, living is still a struggle.

so maybe at this point you're wondering... maybe many things. why is this post titled invisible? and what in the heck does it have to do with uganda? anything?? yes... sort of.
invisible... ah, it gets rough here... there are so many times in the past 5 years i've felt invisible. it happens regularly at work... someone will walk in and say hello to my coworkers and there i sit, basically invisible. it doesnt offend me, i normally just laugh...
this is so hard to explain. maybe if i try the uganda route... so, i sign up for this trip, so blazing excited... i've said to many people - once i heard about this trip, it wasnt really a question of whether i should go, it was just the natural course my life was heading -- it fit right in. i've done enough things in life without knowing anyone else involved, so that part of the trip didnt really concern me. the fact that most of them were from nashville...that concerned me. not anything against them, but simply b/c i spent 3 years trying life amongst nashvillians and it didnt work. going to uganda - my goals were simple: meet a need and see the lives of the ugandans for myself. those goals were met [they were pretty much inevitably going to be met, but still, it meant my expectations were realistic, and so nothing was disappointing. that's a new one for me]. anyway, something else neat happened that i didnt forsee.

coming home from uganda, in the newark airport, i spoke to my mom on the phone for like 2-3 hours... i think it was more words than i'd spoken during the whole previous 9 days. seriously. i actually wondered if my trip-mates in the airport were surprised [well, okay, really i wondered if they even noticed... inivisible remember]. i spoke more to complete strangers sitting next to me as our planes were delayed than i spoke to the team in uganda. i spoke so little during the trip that when i came back, my words had become but a whisper. it took me a while to notice the pattern of people asking me to repeat myself.
for most of the trip, i felt invisible. not in the sense that i was ignored by people, just invisible. like i could have walked off into the bush & while they might notice i'm gone, they wouldnt really think anything of it. it didnt hurt my feelings or anything like that. it was a little odd - almost surprising that it felt like life did while i lived in nashville. by the end of our trip, i was ready to go back to arkansas, like i'd been when i moved in 2007. but for the first time, i saw things differently, understood them in new ways.

i didnt intentionally try to NOT become friends with the team; i didnt intentionally not talk... but that quiet person - a bit withdrawn - it was just naturally who i was in this circumstance. and like seeing myself from a third party perspective, i could see that i was not myself on this trip. so much of the personality God has developed within me - its like an entirely different person than i was during this trip. a few years back, someone said to me something along the lines of: 'i think you're this great person that most people will never know'. i think he meant that he saw me... saw this unique creation... but could also see that most people didnt see that - or that ... like i was a ghost that he could see, but no one else could. aaah, trying to explain this is not working. i dont think any of us are made to be invisible. and i think most of us have so much to us that very few people will see. but what i learned about myself on the trip to uganda was that there are places where who God has made us to be shines more brightly than others. in nashville, i didnt shine. not that my light wasnt welcome, it just wasnt the right spot for me to be planted. little rock is different.

maybe giving up isnt always a bad thing. instead of being confused and feeling defeated, i've had the opportunity to better understand who i am, what i believe. and going to uganda, with this particular group of people, instead of frustration, i saw who i was, who God has made me to be, and it turns out - that's a good place to be.

The Playlist.

I love music. It holds a very special place in my heart. Leading up to the trip to Uganda, I kept an ear open for songs that inspired me along the way, for lyrics that said what I wanted to or wished for or could relate to. It turned out to be a small playlist, only 8 songs, but every time I listened to it in Uganda, and every time I've listened to it since returning home - it somehow uplifts every ounce of me. Like I cant help but smile and sing and just enjoy being cheered.
I thought I'd share it with you. I'd burn you a cd, but I think my old boss would hunt me down and hurt me! So, the lesser of the two evils, I'll just post the list here & the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. [feel free to pay $8 and buy the songs and create the playlist yourself!]

"Sweep Me Away" - Charlie Hall
"The More" - Downhere
"The Word" - Sara Groves
"The One Thing I Know" - Sara Groves
"Incorruptible" - Watermark
"Give Me Words to Speak" - Aaron Shust
"Trinity" - Jennifer Knapp
"Beautiful Redemption" - Joy Williams

"The More" by Downhere, off the album Wide-Eyed and Mystified
I met you like a little child
Wide-eyed and mystified
That you could love even me
So I'm here to testify
That it's been an amazing ride with you
And I have never walked alone
Wanna give you every moment, every minute
It takes a lifetime to know you, to know you

And the more you show me, the more you grow me
The more your glory becomes all there is
And the more I know you, the more I need you
The more I love you, the more you become to me

Fast-forward to the golden years
A smaller pride and a bigger fear
But still, no way are we done yet
I pray that you would keep me mystified,
In every way that I will still abide in you
Till you come to take me home
Wanna give you every moment, every minute
And take a lifetime to know you, to know you

Wanna give you every moment, every minute
I'll take a lifetime to know you
Hold me Lord, keep me
Draw me closer every moment of my life

Home Sweet Home

Dear friends, family, and anyone else :)

It's 7:43pm Little Rock time on Saturday, August 1st. I'm quite proud of this fact. This is the first time I've actually been awake to see evening hours in the past 3 days since I made it home. In traveling to Uganda, my body had one heck of a time adjusting. Sadly enough, it's having an even harder time adjusting back. I know this adjustment period is normal, but that doesnt make me like it any better! My only peaceful meals so far seem to be breakfast. My stomach argues with everything else the rest of the day. And its been such a fight to merely stay awake long enough until its reasonable to go back to bed - a sad waste it seems where I have not spent the time journaling & recording & processing my genuine thoughts from the trip. And then there's my poor friends here in little rock. I've only seen 3 of them so far and I havent been much company! More like the zombie I'm sure my teammates also resemble in some form or fashion. Hopefully they've been more personable that I have! To the ever so expected first question, "so, how was the trip?", my grand thoughts (note the sarcasm) have come out in one word... normally "fine" or "good". Weak I tell you! Oh, and not to mention, one would think I've lost my voice in addition to my inability to speak. It seems i've lost the typical loud speaking volume. Not that I considered myself an overly loud person to begin with, but most people I've interacted with have had to ask me to repeat myself because the first time I spoke too softly. That was something that seemed odd to me...the whole speaking outloud feeling odd.
Anyway, all this to say, amidst my attempts to stay awake long enough to begin building my thoughts about the trip, I have been thinking much of those of you who helped make this trip possible, whether through financial donations, prayers, encouraging words, etc. I am eager to share many things with you, it's just a bit of a slower process than I forsaw. So please bear with me and keep checking back :) Thanks!

Time to Go!

here we go! this is it! my first flight takes off in just a little over 12 hours.
as far as i can think, my packing is done. so all that's left to say is that from here, i wont be blogging here during my time in africa. for the next 10 days, please switch to the main Sweet Sleep blog

sweetsleep.blogspot.com

i think someone will post there when we've arrived safely, and then various team members will blog during the trip. so thanks for keeping up with this process... surely MUCH more interesting things to come when i get back! til then :)

Advice & tips for the trip?!

well, here I am, just finishing my breakfast before my final day of work before the trip. it's pretty exciting. I havent really let myself think a lot about the trip this week because when I do, nothing gets done and I cant sleep. So it's quite the nice thought to know in 10 hours, I'll be able to completely focus on getting ready. I'm a little nervous about getting my medicine refilled... they've been a bit of a hassle recently but hopefully when I speak to them today, it will work out. I'm eager to get to packing, to get to shopping for all the random stuff I need to pack. So I guess my question for you all is: for anyone that's been to africa (or is there now!) or to anyone who's been out of the country recently, I'm looking for traveling tips, best ways to pack you've thought of, or advice you can give on things that made your trip better! Thanks in advance for your tips & thoughts!

Paid. In. Full. and more.

at last! today is the big day! well not the big day, but a big day still! Today marks the end of the money process! Tomorrow I will mail in my remaining balance to be PAID IN FULL!!! Looking back over the past 2 months, it's pretty incredible and my gratitude cannot be put into complete words. What has been so amazing to me and what I've been eager to share is the range over which this $4,500 and supporting prayers come from. 12 [my favorite number] states to my knowledge. I'm an incredibly lucky girl. So thanks to the following states, and those that represent them!
Arizona
Arkansas
Colorado
Indiana
Missouri
Nebraska
Ohio
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Virginia
Wisconsin
And I know many more of you have been sending thoughts and prayers my way. I just cant tell you how grateful I am.

As I mentioned originally, I hoped to go into this money part using my savings for some and hoping others would join in the journey. Some of you may be curious how it ended up - 42/58! God has done great things and taught me much in this process. I havent felt stressed at all about the money side of this, and yet even now I'm realizing how fear has held me back. Sitting here, I can think of 5 people off the top of my head who said YES they wanted to help financially and I was too afraid to follow up! Oy! Silly me! the good thing is that whether you donated, prayed, contacted me, or perhaps did nothing at all, if you're reading this, you ARE a part of this! I'm thankful that you even know about it, that you might get to learn about a place and a people you've never considered before. I couldnt begin to imagine what each person who's heard of this trip will gain/think/consider/etc. I guess that's why I'm so excited. Because I'm not one for irony & coincidence. If you're reading this, it's for a reason. And to know that something is happening in your life - no matter how big, small, intention, unintention, no matter when it shows up or makes its reason known - its a crazy great thing.

And so here I am. July 10, 2009. I fly to uganda in TEN days!!!

Before I hang up for the day, in case there is anyone reading (not sure how likely this is, but just in case!) this who is upset that you didnt get a check in the mail, there are still ways to be involved. Financially speaking, you can still mail a check - but it would need to be made out to me & it would no longer be tax-deductible. OR (and truly the better option) you can mail checks directly to Sweet Sleep (or me & I will pass them on) - made out to Sweet Sleep but with nothing in the memo line - this money would go directly to helping build more beds (and there is always a need for more beds!) Everyone else, prayers are always welcome and maybe start doing some research of your own if this has piqued your interest. Maybe next time, you'll be the one going :)

2 weeks and counting.

Hey everyone/anyone :) just a quick note. Two weeks from right now I'll be on a plane to Brussels with 20 strangers (well... I guess like 300 strangers, but you get what I mean). I'm definitely counting down the days (okay... again, I guess I've been counting down the days since April). I just had a good friend get back from a mission trip from Greece and while I dont know if I'd categorize this trip a mission trip (somehow that term only seems appropriate if going through a church, which this is not) but still, it makes me excited still.

I'm currently out of town for work, so sitting in my hotel. I'm hoping and praying that a little more support/donation money will come in while I am out of town working. I have just shy of $1,000 to go... so anything that comes in this week will be amazing, and then I'll cover the difference. If no further donations come in, that would put me about 50/50 - 50% donations, 50% savings. But I'm not begging for your money, just offering an outlet if you're looking for a way to make a difference, which your money toward this cause will certainly do.

Either way, I leave in two weeks and am eager to see what happens from there. I'll probably start packing this weekend, simply out of excitement, and wanting to make sure that absolutely nothing is forgotten... and hopefully that will give me time to also not overpack!

Well, dear friends from Wisconsin will be here soon. On vacation in Texas, they decided to route their return trip through this little town I'm camped out in all week - so incredibly generous of them. If anyone reading this wants to make a last minute donation, email me immediately: theugandajourney@gmail.com and I will tell you where to send the check and please let me know if a check is in the mail so I can know how much my portion of the last bit will be.

Time Capsule

June 28, 2009. 11:49am.
22 days and counting.

The trip is near at hand. I'm sure I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I cant believe how fast this time has gone. It has now been at least 6 months since I first heard rumblings about this trip and I can remember thinking that July 2009 was forever away. And yet, so quickly, here it is.

I am ready. So very ready. My life is ready for this.
I have all my necessary shots. My malaria medicine is actually sitting next to me here on the couch. As is my super stomach medicine. My passport is in the mail back to me. I have $1,000 left to raise in the next 11 days. After that, it's a simple wait 10 days, pack, leave.

Something probably a lot of people don't know about me is that I have a hidden place at work - I jot down notes throughout my workdays - when I start pondering things & I really should be working. So I write little notes and hide them away. It's always interesting to go back and read them. Just a bit ago, I found one of these notes. It's dated April 1, 2008. I think I was in DC when I wrote this, but reading it over again really struck my own curiosity. And so I thought I'd share it here.

"This afternoon I came across an interested website hosted by the UN - it's called 'Ten Stories The World Should Know More About, 2007'. One of the stories was about girl soldiers in Africa who have been kidnapped and forced to become sex slaves, which entails so much more than we could ever imagine. It is this group - these children who have been kidnapped and forced into a war that over and over grip my heart. It is beyond my understanding trying to relate to what they have gone through and the effects this will have on the rest of their lives. To even wrap my mind around this is nearly impossible.
When I read these stories, see the faces of beautiful children I'll never know, I can't help but wonder what life would look like if I traded in my cushy existence to somehow be a part of recovery. What if I was plucked from this world I know and was replanted in Northern Uganda. Could I learn a whole new culture? a new language? could I have a place in that world? What would it look like? It would be so very different. It would mean huge sacrifices. Huge sacrifices. But when I think about Matthew 16:25 ['...and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it'], I wonder if this is what that means? When I find myself often unsure of the purposes of life, relating to Solomon who said everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind - I wonder if this is what that means.
For years I have toyed with these ideas. I always come back to 'How could I do that to my family? How could I abandon them?' and the ever growing, 'What would I do with all my stuff!?'. It amazes me, really, because of all places spiritually to be in, where I find myself now does not seem to be a spot to birth a life of/in ministry. Could it be that I needed to move away from the church to see the necessity of her work? Or, even more qustionable - how would it go - to somehow return to the church? It scares me I suppose.
Perhaps I should begin to pray for these questions. Which is not to say I'm picking up and moving to Uganda - but nor is it to say that I do not want to know the answers."

Needless to say... I don't remember every praying about these things.
I'm thankful that my prayers are not required for God to be working on my life, directing its ways. And I'm thankful for the freedom to ask questions, think about different things and let them stew rather than acting immediately and probably irrationally.
All that to say, finding this note [which really was odd to reread the first time and think 'hmm.. I wrote that? over a year ago?'] just makes me wonder what will happen through this trip. I know I've said to some people that I dont know what will come out of this trip. I'm hoping it stays that way because I like going and not having a purpose I'm trying to make happen through this. I'm just going because I knew back before Christmas that I was supposed to be going.
Anyway, just thought I'd share.

I will take a minute to say - if anyone reading this wants to make a financial donation - or you've been meaning to and just keep forgetting (which is like the story of my life, so no big deal!) but as I mentioned earlier, July 9th is the deadline. I'm eager to write the blog I already know is coming on July 10th which will be specifically about the money side of this process. So at least for now, adios :)

40 Days

Thursday. June 11, 2009. It's 8:05pm, still sunny outside and I'm already extremely tired.

[okay. well it was sunny. and as I was typing, I looked out and saw these clouds transforming. it was incredible. needless to say, I got distracted. It's now 9:23pm, dark outside, but I'm not feeling quite as tired.]

40 days from right now, though, I'll be in Uganda.

Today, 40 days feels extremely far away. Things feel kind of like a lull right now. Checking the mail isnt as exciting anymore (although my dad totally surprised me when I learned that his company is helping send me to Uganda. my dad's so great!). In the times when my excitement isnt as intense, it makes me wish I were around the other people I were going with - wishing that we were already friends & could get together planning. I mentioned before about some additional activities I'd just learned about and I wanted to fill you guys in.

Obviously, we'll be spending a good amount of time building beds. Also, there will be 4 other different things we'll fill in the time with. For one, a worship team - and since over half the team is from Nashville, I'm thinking this part will be pretty great musical wise. Secondly, there will be a recreation team. Not that I've ever been a pro soccer star, I look forward to getting my tail kicked by the kids we meet! Thirdly, there's an arts & crafts team who will hopefully plan something neat to engage the kids. And lastly [this is the one I think sounds TOTALLY fun], there's a Birthday team! From what I've been told, birthdays arent celebrated as much over there (maybe that's an understatement) and so we're going to plan a big bash.

Sound be an amazing week. I mean, I was excited just to go build beds - even if that was all we did. But clearly, it's going to be so much more.

As far as support goes, I believe I've just hit 70%. The money has been a great process. I've been hoping that this can be an opportunity for others to join me in this journey but also use the money I've been saving to make it happen as well. Obviously I've still got a ways to go (30% = $1,350) so if anyone's reading this and wants to contribute - still possible :) and still time - relatively speaking, the deadline is having the funds raised before I leave July 20th. Personally, I'd like to reach the goal maybe a tiny bit before that! And I still have support letters I can send out - if you want one, email me: theugandajourney@gmail.com with your address & I'll drop one in the mail.

One last thing - I've come to discover that many people I know imagined I'd be sleeping in a hut in Uganda, but turns out it looks like we're staying at this really neat place. Here's the website if you want to check it out: adonaiguesthouse.com

Every Day Still Leaves Me Excited!

Today, let's see, is June 6th. I cant believe 2009 is almost halfway over because the second half of the year means this trip is drawing incredibly closer. I will admit that this week I have found even myself surprised. I knew I was excited (obviously) for this trip, and yet, day after day I am finding myself equally distracted, continually on the lookout for something new about the trip - to get to learn about the people I'm going with, or the details of our stay, how God continues to bring people to this that will financially help make it possible. It amazes me still how many days I find myself grinning ear-to-ear for (what may seem to others) no apparent reason. In two weeks I'll get my last hepatitis shot and my malaria prescription. I guess I say that because I see this time leading up to the trip in phases. I am expecting that the wait for financial support will be my constant companion for most days prior to the trip, but the shots phase is nearly over. and as this phase ends, I am beginning to learn about the next phases. I am learning about great things we will supplement our time with - things besides building beds to show the kids we meet just how great we think they are, to show them love in so many different ways. it's exciting still, day after day! as more details come together, I'll let y'all know what other special things will be happening! until then, today should be a great fun day - I'm 'touring' Little Rock! trying to see the things that people who live here should know about! i think its the first time i've actually tried to come to know the place where I live... for the first time in the nearly 10 years its been since high school (wow!)

this is me. not quite as excited as i was 15 minutes ago.

okay blogger. you cheater. you just deleted my last entry even after telling me ever 2 minutes that it was saved!! joy spoiler you :)

so... alas, with much less enthusiasm. today's big news is that our flights are scheduled for the trip. [believe me, the first blog was MUCH more animated thant this! i was all excited... trying to rushingly count out the hours. it didnt work. i did learn that Brussels is in Belgium. we'll be flying through there - i figured i should probably know what country it was in, thus the learning that brussels is in belgium as i didnt know that before].

and anyway, through many joys i explained that i leave ridiculously early (something like 4:30am) on July 20th, and arrive in Entebble (by way of newark, new jersey and brussels, belgium) around 9:40pm on July 21st.

perhaps one of you all being excited to learn this information will reignite my excitement (okay... i admit it. its already coming back. and it will strike fiercely when i wake up tomorrow morning.. either at 5am to exercise or 6am after not exercise!)

anywho - its now 10:42pm, may 28th, 2009. i gotta go to bed!

and a side note - if anyone out there reading this is a pray-er, my stomach is seemingly unhappy again when it comes to food. this may have to do with me eating chocolate again (how sad that it may genuinely be better for my body to not eat it). anyway, it of course has me a tiny bit concerned thinking of what food & my body will be like in Uganda. so prayers that i could accept that chocolate might be the root of my problems rather than the answer & that then, in turn, my body would go back to happily accepted normal food would be appreciated :)

I apologize if you get tired of 'WOW'

Thanks to some exercise after work today, the first time in a long time, it's 10:35pm and I'm wide awake! the fact that my apartment is a toasty 83 degrees probably doesnt help! this could prove problematic when it comes to work tomorrow, but I figured I'd take advantage of these few extra minutes.

I don't have much to offer as far as updates.
I'm 2/3 of my way through my shots with the hope to get the last 2 on Monday. I've been amazed how easy that part has been. I'm having to work pretty hard to get the Typhoid shot - this is the 2nd week they thought it was available but is nowhere to be found.
I'm 48%... yes, that's FORTY-EIGHT PERCENT!!! 48% into fundraising. [insert MANY wows here]. if you're reading this and are part of that 48%, THANK YOU. I truly lack the words to express clearly and accurately how much your generosity blows me away. In the past 2 weeks I jumped from 10% to 48%. There's still quite a ways to go to reach the full 100% but I approach that with eagerness.
I am enjoying the opportunities to tell other people about this trip - from the reactions I've received, shock seems the most common when I talk about the work we'll actually be doing. it's quite simple to forget that not everyone has a nice comfy place to sleep like we do (or at least I do). I think its a very special thing to be able to provide such a thing as Sweet Sleep because most of us wouldnt have a clue how to help even if we did know about the bed shortage. [now, of course, there's so much more to it than a bed shortage... but you get the initial point!]

I really cant wait to come back from Uganda and tell you all about it. Thanks to the internet, I've been able to learn a bit about some of the other people who are going on this trip also. Many have been on trips with this organization before, many who have said, like myself, when i heard about this trip i knew straight away I wanted to be a part of it! Thats a very neat thing to share in common with strangers. I'm looking forward to not only falling in love with the kids we meet in Uganda, but forming great friendships with others on my team.

Well, I guess that's about everything I could tell you for now. If you're interested in supporting me financially or with prayer (I'll periodically email a prayer list of some specific things you can pray for), please email me @ theugandajourney@gmail.com for details. Thanks again for stopping by, and for all those who are and will be part of this journey with me!

oh that's right... i DONT know it all (duh...)

well, here's to yet another day of being humbled. [have I mentioned that that's happening quite regularly these days?] I had the pleasure of starting my day at my doctor's office again. Today I started the Hepatitis A/B shot series. I was pleasantly surprised once again when the shot itself really wasnt a big deal. I dont remember if it stung. I remember the nurse telling me to, once again, be sure to stick to the tylenol/advil rotation so that I wasnt in pain for the next 48 hours. And so far, feeling good! Yellow fever last week was definitely the worst of them yet, but even that just stung a bit (well, and there's a half-dollar sized red mark on my arm where she shot me). Only two more weeks of shots. That's very exciting.

Anyway, I've discovered a humorous trend about myself... I'm really excited about this trip when I'm talking to people who hardly recognize that Uganda is a country (okay. minor exaggeration there...). But when I talk to people that have been to Uganda, or anywhere in Africa, I'm suddenly much slower to speak, suddenly very aware that in fact no, I dont have any first-hand knowledge of the entire continent! true, yes, I've been trying to learn - I've watched videos, read books, occasionally spoken to other people trying to learn in that same fashion. but I'm seemingly quick to forget that the arrogance that creeps into my words is so uncalled for! I feel the need to remember that I'm just as clueless as the next person. I truly do value the advice of others who have gone before me [aka if that's YOU, feel free to share your thoughts!] someone recommended I try to learn some Swahili before I go, which I would love to do, but I'm also afraid of making a fool of myself trying to speak something! [I cant help but think of all our leading politicians who open their big mouths & hysterical, completely wrong things get said!]
With that said, I'm hoping that my aptitude for humbleness increases over the next 2 months in preparation for this journey... that selfishness would take a back-seat and that I would be nothing but truly grateful for the whole process!

"Before" Pictures

hey everyone,
I'm thinking some of you have found your way here because you received a support letter in the mail & a little card promoting this site. I'm glad you're stopping by, no matter how you came to find me :) but as I am asking for financial support, I wanted to help you understand why we're going to help Africa Greater Life Mission and Caring Heart. If youre like me, visuals always help. so here are a few pictures (courtesy of Sweet Sleep - from their blog)

These pictures are from the first trip the Sweet Sleep staff took to determine where to focus our efforts during the trip this summer. Like i said before... the 'beds' these kids sleep on dont even resemble the bed you sleep on. I cant wait to be able to show you the 'after' pictures.

If you want to help me help these kids through financial donations, email me at theugandajourney@gmail.com and I will provide the details you need.

How to Help

Dear friends, family & everyone else,

As mentioned below, I'm seeking anyone & everyone to partner with me in this journey.
God has blessed me with a job in this present economy that will provide a portion of the funds for this trip, but not the full amount. Would you consider partnering with me in this journey through a financial gift, prayers or both? My goal is to raise a total of $4,500.00 through your donations and my savings. It is a lofty goal, but the purpose is worth every penny.

Financial donations are tax deductible! Checks should be made payable to Sweet Sleep. The memo line of donation checks must read: Preferenced to 0709UG – Melissa Rau. You will receive a tax receipt directly from Sweet Sleep, Inc. Just email me: theugandajourney@gmail.com and I'll tell you where to send donations. i REALLY appreciate any way you can help!

I look forward to hearing from you, partnering with you, and being able to show the children in Uganda your picture when they ask how they are receiving this gift!

THANK YOU in advance!!

Lost Boys of Sudan

It's May 10. Mother's Day. It's a rainy, overcast day in Little Rock. I just watched a documentary called "Lost Boys of Sudan". I didn't really know what to expect. It follows 2 guys in particular, starting just a few days before they leave africa to come to America and goes through their first year here. It was hard to watch. The picture of America in the film... it's not bad, but it captures the reality of this country in an interesting way. The major thing that stuck out to me was the independence of man. It was clear among the refugees that came to America - dropped in random cities all across the US - that this country is not exactly what they had in mind. In America, time is filled quickly with many things - studies, work, eating, sleep - those were the main things. Relationships with others ... well, gosh, that almost felt non-existent. And this makes me very sad. How do we break free from a world that is all about 'ME'? I'm so at a loss with the world in this sense.

There are many things within the past week that have led to me feeling prideful, arrogant. There's something in the pit of my stomach that is desperate for a humble demeanor, in life in general, but also in my uganda journey. At one point in the Lost Boys film, it shows a mother & son who talk about hearing the lost boys' stories and their hearts being gripped & so they try to gather furniture and such to provide to these new refugees... which is nice and all, but it seemed very out of touch with the Sudanese refugees' day-to-day situation and needs. It just reminded me that while I'm excited to get to be a part of this trip, I need to seriously take a step back every day, remember that I may say that I care, but that to consider others means finding out where that person is at in life, what their needs really are and then trying to see where I can help in that. Very hard to put into words right now the thoughts inside my head.

The Shot Heard 'Round The World

Okay... so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I just had to stop by here quickly before fully diving into my work load for the day because this morning I got my Tetanus shot! Last time I had this one was in 8th grade - I remember very clearly going back to school (spanish class!) and the kid behind me grinning & whacking my arm with a 'how's it going!'. I wanted to rip his head off! So when I got to the doc's office, nurse took me back to get my blood pressure and (as you can suddenly hear your heartbeat real clearly while she's doing that) I realized my heart was RACING! haha apparently I was nervous. However, she came back in, instinctively hiding the needle in her hand so I couldnt see it (dang, she's good!), told me to take 5 deep breaths. By the time I took the 3rd breath in, the exhale came out through a grin, as I know she was giving me the shot and I knew it was a piece of cake! Aside from just growing up & getting over my previous fear, its incredible what I'm motivated to do when I think about why I'm doing it. Knowing that each shot/vaccination meant protecting my health, meant I wouldnt have to worry about it while I was in Uganda & being able to focus on the task at hand - the nurse & I discussed what other vaccinations she'd recommend, discussed the Malaria pills & decided I might as well get 'em all, because it surely cant hurt to be over-protective! Especially now that I know I can handle the shots! YIPPEE!! what a relief!

Come on! Let's Get This Party Started!

Hey Everyone! So, since this blog came into existence, it's been a week and hopefully, like I'd asked, you came back! However, most likely, this is your first time here - which is GREAT! I'm really glad you're here. Tonight's blog purpose is simple, I want to tell you in my own words about this adventure, and ask you to come along.

With that said, videos are below. As I mentioned yesterday, best way to watch the videos - hit play, and then pause, and let the video load (red all the way across the play bar) and then hit play again!

VIDEO #1: Welcome!


VIDEO #2: Why?!


VIDEO #3: Am I Scared?


VIDEO #4: Sweet Sleep! (oh! by the way - I believe this is the video where I try to tell you the organizations we're working with in Uganda and was afraid I'd messed up the names ... Africa Greater Life Mission and Caring Heart!)


VIDEO #5: Help!

Let's Get Aquainted!

Hey Everyone! After much ado, I believe I've figured out the video world! This is the first of hopefully many little tid-bits about my journey! Thanks for coming along! More videos and blogs to come! (by the way, the trick to the videos is to let it load fully before watching-meaning the bar should be red all the way across... that way it doesnt buffer through the video!)

Welcome to The Uganda Journey

Hello! And thank you for stopping by. TheUgandaJourney.blogspot.com is designed to offer a single place to follow my steps in this adventure. Just a few basics now, and more details soon to follow.

The Uganda Journey is my experience as part of a team traveling to Uganda this summer - July 19-28, 2009 - with an organization called Sweet Sleep. Sweet Sleep is a faith-based nonprofit organization that exists to share God’s love by providing beds to the world’s orphaned and abandoned children. Their vision is simple: a bed for every head.

There are many ways I hope you come alongside this journey. For now, let's start with checking back one week from today. See you then!